


Saying Goodbye

by Hannah_ruth_990



Series: The Choice [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brother Feels, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Comforting Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean and Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Castiel, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, POV Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad and Happy, Some angst, i mean it's a funeral, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannah_ruth_990/pseuds/Hannah_ruth_990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The time has come for Dean to say goodbye to his little brother</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the final part!  
> Hope you all like it and think it’s a good ending to the tale.  
> (sorry if my summary/summaries sucked!!)

Dean wanted to do something _special_ for his brother, because a standard hunter’s funeral just didn’t seem fitting for a man who _saved the world_ , numerous times. He’d wracked his brain for hours trying to think of the best way to say goodbye. Nothing seemed good enough for his brother, and it wasn’t until Cas had asked _‘what would Sam want Dean? How would he go about it if the roles were reversed?’_ , that he knew what to do.

The Winchesters were hunters, had been all their lives. They’d grown up in the life, lived and breathed it until it was etched into their very DNA, into their very souls. They were hunters, and there was only one way to properly send off a hunter. Sam Winchester would have a hunter’s funeral, in the woods outside the bunker, where they’d said farewell to Charlie.

 

* * *

 

Sam Winchesters body lay wrapped in a white sheet atop the wooden pyre that Dean and Cas had built. Dean stood back and watched as a woman approached his brother’s body. Jody Mills kissed his brothers forehead and began to say her goodbye.

Dean had called the sheriff shortly after he and Cas had talked about the letter. After they’d kissed and Dean had asked him to stay, he handed his brother’s letter to Cas. The ex-angel had argued that it was not for him to read, but Dean insisted. There were things in there that Sammy wanted him to say to Cas, but he couldn’t say them out loud, not yet. It didn’t mean that he didn’t feel them though, that he didn’t _mean_ them. He wished he could tell Cas that he belonged with him, that his home was with Dean, that he **loved** him. He had told him in a way, when he’d asked him to stay, but he wanted Cas to know _everything,_ wanted his angel to read the letter and _understand_. And of course Cas did.

Cas always understood. When he finished reading it, he carefully folded it and placed it back in its envelope. He’d looked up at Dean, his face littered with tears, but he was smiling, and Dean _knew._ He knew that Cas understood _everything_ and he couldn’t stop his own smile from spreading. They held each other, and Dean comforted Cas as the ex-angel let himself break over the loss of his friend. They talked about Cas’ new humanity and about Sam’s’ first two wishes, which lead to the phone call to their favourite sheriff.

Jody, Claire and Alex had arrived at the bunker a day before the funeral. When Dean had opened the door, he had an armful of Claire hugging him so tightly, he almost couldn’t breathe. As soon as her eyes found where Cas was, she was racing towards him and pulling him into the same bone crushing hug, but lingering just a bit longer. Jody had hugged them both, and told them that her and the girls would be staying for a few days, no ifs or buts.

He’s brought back to the present when he feels two strong arms wrap around his waist, and he leans back into the embrace, letting his head fall back onto Cas’ shoulder. His angel kisses his neck softly, a simple chaste kiss that says _‘I’m right here. It’s okay’._ He loves how one touch, or glace between them can speak a thousand words. They remain like that for a while, wrapped in a comforting embrace, until Jodie approaches them.

“Whenever you’re ready” Jody’s eyes are red and she still has a few tears on her cheeks. She gives them a small reassuring smile, then goes and re-joins Alex and Claire who are standing nearby.

Dean takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling it against Cas’ neck. Part of him wants to stay wrapped up in Castiel’s arms, where he knows it’s _safe_. _Home_. But the logical part of him knows that he can’t avoid this any longer. It’s time to say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Standing alone in front of his little brothers dead body, is like a nightmare come to life. He quickly looks back to Cas, to make sure his angel is there, that he truly isn’t alone.

Castiel is standing not too far away, with an arm around Claire. He already said his goodbye to Sam that morning and Dean had held him afterwards until he was okay. Cas meets his gaze and gives Dean a smile that is reserved just for _him_. It’s funny that one small smile can ground him, can give him enough strength to take a breath and turn around and face reality.

Dean pulls the letter out of his pocket and smiles at his brother.

“You know I wish I could thank you in person for this man. This letter – god even in death you’re looking after my emotionally constipated ass” he huffs a laugh and shakes his head, “Heh I thought I hid it pretty well ya know? Thought my feelings were locked away so damn tight that no one would know. But you … you could always see past my bullshit couldn’t you?” he feels the first tear begin to roll down his cheek, “God Sammy - I wish – I wish you could see how _happy_ he makes me. But I guess you always could huh? That’s why you wrote what you did.” swallowing against the lump in his throat, he pushes on, “I want you to know – I _need_ you to know – that I’m doing what you asked.” He wipes his eyes and looks skyward taking a deep breath, trying to hold it together, “And I’m not just doing it cos it’s what you wanted. You need to know that. I’m … I’m honouring your requests because they are things I actually want to do.”

Dean opens the letter with shaky hands “I’m going to work backwards – so bear with me dude” he lets out a nervous laugh as his eyes find what he was looking for, “I know I already mentioned wanting to thank you for this Sammy, but I mean it. If you hadn’t left this fucking letter, who knows how long it would’ve taken me to tell Cas? If I ever did tell him.”

“God that would’ve sucked. You know it actually _fucking hurts_ to imagine my life without him in it? All those times we lost him, a part of me died. I tried to drink the pain away but we both know how well that worked. After purgatory – _jesus_ _purgatory_. You know that’s when I realised? I spent god knows how long searching that damn place for him. I could’ve gotten out sooner; Benny knew where the portal was. But I _couldn’t_ leave him there. And when I finally found him … seeing him again after all that time, I _knew_. I _knew_ I **_loved_** him and that I couldn’t leave that place without him. But being the selfless _bastard_ that he is, he fucking stayed behind so that I could get out. But then he _came back_. He always came back to us Sammy … to me. And then Naomi, Abaddon, Metatron and the damn _Mark_ happened and well, you know the rest.”

He puts the letter back in his pocket, in fear that he will tear it in his emotional state and takes a much deeper breath and holds it in a bit longer than normal before releasing it.

“When Amara told me to choose – fuck – I felt like I was dying. I knew I couldn’t choose between you, because either way, one of you would take a piece of my heart with you. Heh look at me all chick flicky.” He clears his throat, he knows he shouldn’t joke but c’mon, he’s Dean, “And then Cas told me to choose you. After _everything_ , he was still willing to sacrifice himself for us. He told me to choose _you_ Sammy, and I feel like _shit_ because I eventually would’ve. And he _knew_ that, so he tried to take the decision away from me. It would’ve killed me Sam. If I had been forced to make that choice, to be the reason why he was gone, it would’ve destroyed me. And I guess that’s what she wanted, me broken and vulnerable.”

"I am by the way. I’m fucking _broken_ and _hurting_ Sammy. But I get why you did it. I know if I was in your position, I would’ve done the same damn thing.” His vision is a blur, but he doesn’t care, all that matters right now is his brother, “I saw your soul you know. When you … when you _did_ what you _did,_ your soul left your body and - _man_ \- it was beautiful. It was so bright and I was just frozen in place, mesmerized by it. I didn’t even cry out when your body fell. Don’t get me wrong - inside I was screaming – but yeah, I just couldn’t make a sound. Then your soul just **_launched_** itself down Amara’s throat and started _attacking_ her from the inside. Cas thinks that because you sacrificed yourself out of _love_ , that your soul was strong enough to fight her. You were destroying her man, but as strong as your soul was, it wasn’t enough. So Cas ... Cas just grabs my angel blade saying something about _maybe_ a soul _and_ grace would work, and then _fucking cuts his own throat_ , just enough for his grace to leave his body. I was so scarred Sammy, I honestly thought I’d lose you both, but you know Cas, he’s a tough bastard.” he licks his lips and smiles, because it’s true, Cas is one tough little dude. Clearing his throat he carries on. “Anyway, his grace rushes Amara like your soul did, and then they both began to like eat away at her or something. Her skin started flaking away, I swear it was like how Voldemort died in the Harry Potter movies dude! I felt the connection to her break and I knew she was gone. Damn it Sammy it felt good. For the first time in years I’m free, I’m just _me_.”

He remembers the letter in his pocket and pulls it out again, “Crap I got side track there didn’t I” he can’t help but laugh at himself. “Okay so I already thanked you for Cas - heh you know if it wasn’t for you we never would have met? Cos you died, I sold my soul, then he pull my ass out of hell … I’m getting side track again, my bad” shaking his head he regains his train of thought, “You asked me to get out of the life, but not completely. Thank you for not asking me to stop for good man. When you jumped in the cage and asked me to get out, I tried and it sucked. That year, I was hollow. Sure I had Lisa and Ben, but so many things were missing. Hunting is a part of who I am, but I promise I’ll cut back. Hell I’m even thinking about doing the hunter network thing you mention. Cas thinks it’s a good idea and he’s on board with it. He’s a bit hesitant about me teaching Claire though. I did present a good argument, lawyer you would be so proud. I told him that she is already hunting, so what’s the harm in her learning a few things from me? She can only benefit. He hasn’t mentioned it again, so I think he’s okay with it now.

Alex doesn’t want to hunt, but she wants to help. Wants to atone for all the pain she’s caused, sound like anyone? Cas is actually really great with her, guess it’s because he understands a lot better than anyone else. They actually came up with the idea of making the bunker like a training facility and safe haven, as well as the head of the hunting network. Like if anyone is new to the life, they come and train here until they’re ready. And if a hunter needs to go off radar, they crash here until the all clear. It’s not a bad idea. I’m thinking about it.”

Dean pauses and takes another deep breath. He can feel new tears beginning to form, just waiting to spill over, but he soldiers on. He has to.

“When I first read your first request, fuck I was _pissed_. I wanted to jump in my baby and go to the nearest cross roads and make some kind of deal. But you mentioned it more than once, and that made me pause. I remembered the last time I brought you back; and how _betrayed_ you felt because we had agreed not to do that again. I remembered the fights, the tension, and the guilt. I remembered and I knew I had to listen this time, even though it breaks my heart. Not having you here just doesn’t feel right. You’ve been all I’ve had for so damn long and now you’re _gone_. You’re fucking _gone_ Sammy and it’s not okay. We were supposed to grow old together and go to that retirement place, and Cas was gonna be there too. Team free will together again, like it should be. But now you’re _gone_ , and it _hurts._ Sammy it hurts so much that sometimes I can’t breathe.”

The tears are falling freely from his eyes, and he doesn’t realise he’s shaking until a hand reaches out and grasps his own. He looks up to find Cas, who is looking at him with such _love_ and _understanding_ and it’s too much. His knees buckle, but Cas catches him, he always does. The ex-angel lowers them gently to the ground in front of the pyre and just holds Dean as he breaks once again.

They remain that way for some time, and when Dean lifts his head from Cas’ chest, he notes that the sun has begun to set. There is more he wants to say to his brother, but he doesn’t think he can stand. He feels Cas begin to shift behind him, and he’s scared he will leave, and he doesn’t want that. He needs Cas’ arms around him right now

“Stay”

Cas kisses his temple and whispers quietly into his ear, “Of course Dean”

He focuses on his breathing, trying to get back in control. He has more to say. He swallows, but his mouth feels dry. _He has more to say._ His voice is shaky when he is finally able to speak.

“I know that one day, one day I’m going to wake up and the ache won’t be as bad. One day I’ll be able to think about you, without it hurting so much. One day I’ll be able to walk past your room without breaking down.” He feels Cas’ arms tighten slightly around him, “I’m going to find where you are Sam, and if you’re anywhere but in heaven, Cas and I are coming for you. We won’t bring you back, I promise, but we will make damn sure that your soul is in heaven where it belongs.” He closes his eyes, and lets his favourite memories of his brother wash over him, “You said you were lucky to have me as your big brother, but Sammy – I _was_ the lucky one. You were the best little brother I could ever ask for. You were always there when I truly needed you, and you always had my back, even in death. I know I can’t ever thank you enough for what you did Sam, but thank you. Thank you for saving him Sammy. Thank you for saving _me_.” He’s crying again, but he doesn’t care, because his angel just holds him close and lets him.

“I hope one day I’ll see you again Sammy, hell I’m counting on it.” He pauses and smiles before adding, “Bitch.”

They both stand and Dean laces his fingers through Cas’, his other hand grabbing the lit torch Jody is holding out to him. They all give Sam Winchesters body one final glance, before Dean leans forward and lights the pyre.

As the flames grow and encase his little brother’s body, Dean looks towards the sky, smiles and whispers, “Love ya Sammy”

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually the hardest part to write, as I wanted to get the emotions across without Dean coming across as too OOC.  
> Him openly talking about his feelings for Cas in his goodbye seemed fitting; as Sam already knew most of it, and it was a chance for Dean to finally voice his feelings in a safe space (if he can say it out loud to Sam, maybe he can say it to Cas soon).  
> Dean talking about the future and about what he and Cas might do next, was a nice closure of sorts, like closing the chapter on such a hard life, and opening a new one that is full of promise. (and left open if i want to write some time-stamps later)  
> So yeah, I really do hope you all thought it was a good end. I did :)


End file.
